hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
