If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
