mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize