i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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