nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
