Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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