whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize