I must be too annoying 4 u.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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