if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
