There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The air was thick with penises
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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