I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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