If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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