its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
