If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize