dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I will die if light touches me.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
