Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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