Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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