i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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