I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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