So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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