Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
