My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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