they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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