I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize