Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
