names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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