idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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