my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
