Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
