I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
