I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just got carded by a ten year old.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
