I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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