There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
