Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
