What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
