FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
