sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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