Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
