Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize