I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
