love makes seman taste better
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
