WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Barsexuality is the new black.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
