quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
