I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
