You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Farmville is her only friend.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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