You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dicks are not precious.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
