i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
