Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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