I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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