Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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