ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
