I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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