i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize