he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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