I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
