just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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