dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
