Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Randomize
