what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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