Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
