then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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