Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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