I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
