i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
