I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
MIDGETS
????
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
