Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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