We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Randomize
