after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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