MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
