she was so not down for the gang bang
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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