Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
