you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
