We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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