so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
