are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
