Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
