when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How external is "for external use only"?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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