I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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