YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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