And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
