if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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