In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
