Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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