i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
