2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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