yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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