is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
