Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
