Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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