I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
