Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
