Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
