I wish I only lived at night.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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