I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
