just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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