Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
